It has been ages and ages since I wrote you last, and I'm ever so much bigger and smarter now.
I've also gotten the lay of the land.
That youngest human? Wild Card? She pulls fur, but she also spills quite a bit when eating. She also shares under the table, and likes to hold my rawhide bone for me when I chew. Thus, 70% of the time I love her, and 30% of the time I stay far away from her.
There are five other young humans. They give Pam and me a Milkbone every morning, and then they disappear for eight hours. When they come home they give us all sorts of hugs and kisses, then they miraculously disappear when Beta suggests that one of them take us outside. My favorite is the eldest, because she's the youth most likely to notice if my water dish is empty. When she sits in the red chair, I like to arrange myself so that I am partially under the chair with just my head (that's about 30% of me) sticking out. I love her 90% of the time. It would be higher, except she is gone for too much of the day to earn a perfect score.
The Elder and I have become friends.
I use the word friends tentatively. We play and run and do tug-of-war with the armless ferret toy, but Pam will only play if she gets the head, leaving me with the less-desirable tail. Pam and I are friends 85% of the time, which is not bad, not bad at all.
Pam is generally kind to me unless food is involved, and then she will snarl and bare her not-that-impressive teeth.
It's a handy thing I have this billy club instead of a left arm; I am not above giving Pam a good swat on the nose with it.
Speaking of left arms, I've been looking around and have noticed that roughly 30% of the population does not have a left arm. Beta informs me this statistic is false, caused by my lack of exposure to other families and my not realizing that under my green billy club I do have a left arm. Supposedly, all will be revealed to me in two human weeks. That is fourteen dog weeks, and the same as never in puppy weeks.
From what I can see, the only one who uses her left paw with regularity is Beta. This weekend, I intend to spend a long time thinking about whether Beta has a left arm because she needs one, or whether she simply uses hers because she has one.
Or I may just nap.