Last week, I had my final vet appointment regarding the Unpleasantness of the Billy Club and was given a clean bill of health. The vet said I am now free to resume all normal activities and, given the state of my coat, a visit to the groomer might be in order.
My Beta was uncharacteristically silent. She had assumed I was meant to be a shaggy dog with a shaggy face, fetching bangs and a slight beard. The vet explained that my vision was intended to be unobstructed, and given the nature of my hair/fur, my coat was likely to grow and grow without falling out.
I don't think I have to tell you Alpha and Beta are appallingly cheap when it comes to haircare. Alpha is the only one who gets his coat regularly maintained by professional, and I suspected -- wisely -- that I was not going to be getting my haircut from someone who knew what she was doing.
I did not particularly care. Despite my inexplicable degree of writing prowess, I am still a dog.
We went home, and Beta clipped carefully around my eyes while I cooperated by remaining still. She looked perplexed by what she'd done, and clipped a little bit more. Then, apparently, my chin looked shaggy in comparison to my neatly trimmed brow, so she clipped a bit round my mouth. Then a little bit more. When she was done, she did not appear satisfied. She said, more to herself than to me, "Maybe no one will notice."
The children came home from school and were of one mind in that they did not care for my new appearance. There was laughter, lamenting, and someone said, "Poodle-Face." Soon, everyone was calling me Poodle-Face. Beta feebly pointed out how much more visible my round, black eyes were, and the eldest child said, "You mean her round, black beady eyes."
Alpha is the voice of reason, and I especially looked forward to his homecoming that evening. He is a kind and gentle human, with vast stores of patience and self-control. He'd put that "Poodle-Face" business to rest in short order.
I overestimated him.
I thought "Poodle-Face" was bad: "Weasel-Face" is far worse.
Pam may appear sympathetic, but I don't kid myself. She's only being gracious and remaining silent because she's afraid she's next.